Uncomfortable Truths
“Get over it.”
“Be a man.”
“Men don’t cry.”
Nothing encourages violence like the phrases that get tossed around in the lives of most men in our society. Being forced to repress emotions, men tend to act out; violence is rarely the answer, but when it is, it seems like the only answer. When we take all healthy outlets of expression away from men, they ultimately turn to showing anger and exerting dominance, or in other words, “toughening up” – something they are instructed to do from their boyhood.
There is a part of our community that is responsible for the discouragement of vulnerability in men – and our parents are a majority of this part – but the better half of the community is our saving grace. The brighter sub-community recognizes that in order to avoid violence and situations of this sort, we have to bear some uncomfortable truths: our friends and elders who “jokingly” make gender sensitive remarks are not the best people to be around. We need to accept that they are contributing to the debasement of our youth and must be called out when need be.
Our contemporary society is persistent in condoning everyone to seek help, to find comfort in a professional if they cannot find it in their friends and family. It encourages us to understand that resorting to hurting others as a way of expressing pent up emotion is not being tough; in fact, it is the weakest one can be.
To rid men of the “tough act,” my community understands that feeling comfortable enough to share emotions can be challenging when you’ve been conditioned to sever that aspect of your human experience. We continue to be compassionate every passing day and prompt everyone around us to be empathetic.
Needless to say, the unfortunate reality of violence is that it is just a tool – and is available to everybody – nonetheless, we coax each other to form safe spaces for everyone who chooses to be around us, for their good as well as ours.
Eeshal Khan is a 17-year-old girl living in Lahore, Pakistan. She loves reading books, writing, and watching TV series — Friends is her favorite show. Eeshal is determined to work hard and travel all of Europe.