Courage is standing at the platform alone, knowing the train you got off has departed and the next one may never come.

Courage is closing the door without any certainty of where you will sleep at night; it is taking a step forward even when you know there only is a cliff ahead. It is an internal battle, a war against yourself: ego versus soul.

To me, courage is not necessarily something grand. Although, jumping out of an airplane 20,000 feet high up in the sky to experience a rush of adrenaline may be considered brave, it is not a direct example of courage. For example, if you have a fear of heights, conquering your fear is courageous, not the act you perform to do it. Pushing yourself beyond your limits, testing yourself, and being willing to give everything up for momentary happiness: that is courage. Doing everything you can in the moment to avoid having any regrets in the future. Putting your morals first in a world where everyone wants to outrun each other. Being kind.

This is why sharing a single account of a time I’ve been courageous is difficult. Courage is subjective. It isn’t a definitive act, and it cannot be defined or shown. It is found within at a time when all hope is lost. When there is no light at the end of the tunnel, when moving forward is no longer an option, courage is turning around and going back to square one, re-evaluating every move you made to ensure you don’t make the same mistake again.

I remember being in elementary school, just seven years old, and I lacked the confidence to speak up against someone I knew was a bully. For me, the fear of becoming another one of her victims stood in the way of justice. My hesitation could have been because I had already been bullied two years prior, and I had cried myself to sleep every night. The thought of having to go through that again made my spine shiver. I had suffered enough, and that was reason enough for me to want to protect myself first. However, the guilt that came with doing nothing, even at age seven, empowered me to take a stand for someone suffering the same way I had years before. Helping my class community at that young age took courage beyond measure. It not only pushed me to face my fear of going back into the state of anxiety that came with being bullied, but also to possibly risk not being heard or believed. It was a battle against myself to put someone else before me, because staying quiet in the face of adversity is easy but it takes strength to risk it all only to possibly gain nothing back in return.

Fortunately, when I told the figure of authority in our classroom what had been going on, she took swift action to address the situation. After that, there were regular ‘anti-bullying’ seminars conducted with all grades and any other cases were dealt with in a similar way.

In that situation, the example of courage is not me going and speaking to my teacher, but rather, it is the immense vigor it took for me to let go of the need to protect myself in case things went south. It was the willingness, even at a young age, to let go of my own future happiness to ensure my suffering classmate never shed another tear again. Courage can better a whole community, regardless of how small or large it may be. The act itself might be invisible, but it can go a long way in ensuring others do not suffer the same way you have.

Courage is getting off the train of silence in the face of disaster and standing still for as long as it takes to make a difference. It is letting time pass and holding yourself accountable to bring change, regardless of how small it may be.

However, courage is also personal. Courage is difficult to talk about because often the story behind it entails great personal trauma; it includes feelings of distress, worry, and even shame. Telling tales of courage is easy when they are not your own story, because speaking of your own experiences takes even more courage. It forces you to travel back into a web of your own design, and makes you experience everything again: all the hurt, the loneliness, the aching.

Courage is doing something bigger than you, even if it doesn’t seem like it.

To conclude, courage does not always have to serve a purpose. It does not always have to help someone else. Sometimes, it can just be to help yourself. When the battle against your ego becomes too tough, courage is the willingness to lose everything to be happy and let your higher-self win. Courage is closing the door on the twenty-first century need to succeed and feeling content standing in the darkness with a candle.