Fulfillment. Goals. Success. These words signify what so many of us strive for throughout our lives. As KidSpirit writers and artists set out on the path to adulthood, they weigh in on what it means to reach our full potential. Writers share diverse experiences and conceptions of meaningful lives that can spark engaging conversations about your own ideas.

1. In the Big Question department, editor Samarth Jajoo explores the differences between fulfillment and happiness, and how our desires are always evolving. In “Can You Know You Have Found Fulfillment?,” Samarth argues that we only feel fulfillment for a little while, before we need a new challenge or level to pursue. Has there ever been a time when you felt fulfilled? How did you know? How long did the feeling last? Take a few notes on your experience and be ready to share.

2. Botao Ju delves into the pros and cons of competition and its effect on one’s fulfillment and happiness in his Feature article, “Competition: Pandora's Box for Both Stress and Happiness.” Equipped with first-hand experience of an intense exam culture and strong research, he argues for a more balanced use of competition in society. Do you think school could work without grades? What about the college admissions process without exams? Is there a balance to be struck, and has your school or country done so?

3. In “To Each Their Own Journey,” an Awesome Moments article, Rajvi Shroff recounts her difficult journey taking up ballet as an older first-time student. She learns to value her own emotional and artistic expression over the judgment of others and winning competitions. Think about a time you “lost” or did poorly according to others, but still felt happy or fulfilled. If you cannot recall a specific moment, imagine a scenario where this might happen. Why do you think some people can be satisfied with what would not be enough for others?

4. Emily Esfahani Smith, a writer, editor, and speaker, contributes this issue’s PerSpectives article. In “Striving For Meaning,” she describes four pillars of a meaningful and fulfilling life: belonging (friendships and relationships), transcendence (being absorbed in a passion or pursuit), storytelling (how you think of your life), and purpose (your overall driving goal or value). In which of these areas do you excel and which can you improve? How do you think you can strengthen that pillar?

Fulfillment Group Guide

Fulfillment means something much deeper than simple happiness — it is being satisfied when we accomplish something that truly matters to us.

I always thought of fulfillment as a pretty shallow word — just a synonym for “requirements satisfied.” 

It’s like when a package from Amazon is delivered to you: you’ll get an email that says “Your purchase has been fulfilled.” Or when you have fulfilled the requirements for an application.

However, when I thought more about this, I realized that fulfillment doesn’t just mean the matching of requirements or expectations. I realized that I’m not always fulfilled when I’m just happy. Fulfillment means something much deeper than simple happiness — it is being satisfied when we accomplish something that truly matters to us. That makes this whole problem a lot more complex, because our species is incredibly ambitious.

Eventually, especially when things go the way we want them to, our expectations grow. As you fulfill one set of expectations, a whole new, more ambitious set of expectations is created. Why? Accomplishing one task increases your faith in yourself, and makes you think bigger — and want more.

It's like a mirage in the desert; the possibility of water is very promising, but as you keep walking ahead, the mirage seems to keep moving with you. You're sure you'll come to it soon, but it never actually happens! Is fulfillment like a mirage? Something unreal, but that all of us are chasing?

This means that being fulfilled once will make it more difficult to be fulfilled the next time. This seems very paradoxical, doesn’t it?

We experience this exact encounter with the concept of fulfillment in every sporting league. Let's say Team A has won the trophy for the last two tournaments. Team B, however, hasn't even managed to get to the playoffs in the last decade. Team B fans would be fulfilled even if they managed to get to the playoffs, but the only way to fulfill Team A fans would be for them to win, yet again. Team A’s fans have seen Team A fulfilling their expectations for the last two years, and hold them to the same standards — their failing to win the trophy would be disappointing, even if they managed to make it to the playoffs. Team B fans, however, have no standard to hold Team B to — the only way to go is up!

I'd say fulfilment has a shelf life of maybe one week. When we attain a goal we thought would satisfy us, we already have a new goal and new expectations in mind. 

I enjoy programming, and when I'm able to fix a major bug, or create a cool new feature in my apps, I'm quite satisfied for a while. But, after a week or so, I begin treating that as just a stepping stone to the big goal, and set bigger expectations for the project yet again. There are really no limits to what you can do, especially with programming — the scope of your project can continue increasing all the time!

For example, Elon Musk’s first venture, Zip2, sold for $307 million; his second, X.com (PayPal), sold for $1.5 billion. Two of his current companies, Tesla and SpaceX, are valued at $29.7 and $33.3 billion, respectively (at time of writing). Musk’s vision kept progressing as he built new ventures, and he kept getting more ambitious every single time — from building websites for small businesses, to creating a new payments infrastructure, to pioneering electric cars and even launching rockets. His not being fulfilled with every accomplishment has driven him to create all this value

I think the feeling of fulfillment isn't one which appears just once. It is continually occurring, and fulfillment is a continuous process, just like setting expectations. Both fulfillment and expectations are not stagnant ideals we set for ourselves; they're dynamic and ever evolving. And this is what makes it so tricky to know if you've been fulfilled. 

I believe there is no way to recognize if you're ultimately fulfilled. There are usually very few limits to what we can accomplish; it is always possible to get more, which means you might never be ultimately fulfilled.

I think a useful way to be happy, even when you aren’t fulfilled, is to celebrate the small wins. Whenever I'm setting expectations or goals for myself, I think about what I have managed to accomplish since the last time I set these goals. The sense of fulfillment I get then is one that is satisfying but also keeps me motivated to get to the next level.

It's important for me to keep setting milestones at which to pause and reflect. This lets me recognize what went well, what didn't, how satisfied I am with my progress, and what I should do differently. I'm able to continuously refine what I do, and the process of reflecting generally increases how happy I am, because I'm able to measure what I did differently compared to last time and see apparent growth.

It's really important to be happy, to keep up motivation. However, it's essential to not look at fulfillment as a one time thing — every great thing is here because its creators didn't settle for the first time they felt fulfilled. They were ambitious!

In a KidSpirit Features article, teen writer Samarth Jajoo takes on questions of fulfillment, motivation, achievement, and happiness. 

Can You Know You Have Found Fulfillment?

There is no one definition of success. What is clear is the significant influence that culture has on the ideals of success and fulfillment. 

Some value the ability to do meaningful work, while others focus on more concrete results. What is clear is the significant influence that culture has on the ideals of success and fulfillment. 

One important distinction is the dichotomy between success and fulfillment. It is important to recognize that while individuals define what fulfillment means to them, society defines success. It should be acknowledged that it is possible to attain success while not fully achieving a state of complete fulfillment, and vice-versa. What feels freeing to one person can feel suffocating to another.

The pursuit of success is ingrained in our cultural DNA. In the United States, the “American Dream” has evolved to become a national ethos that promises that every person can achieve success and prosperity through hard work, determination, and initiative. As such, the Western traditional definition of success is highly associated with wealth, power, and position. 

However, for many Latin Americans, the definition of “success” is connected much more to relationships and time with family. Meanwhile, many Americans are willing to sacrifice those things for a while in order to attain greater material security. This is exemplified through a 2017 study by the Pew Research Center. When asked why they weren’t married, 34% of the respondents between the ages of 25 to 34 named the primary cause as lack of financial success. In contrast, most Latin Americans measure their success by having enough income to support a comfortable lifestyle and spending plenty of time with their family even during their career. They would not be as willing to sacrifice family time initially in order to achieve greater monetary success later. An article by AtlasCorp explores the variations between the American and Brazilian work ethic.  It concludes that the “time is money” concept does not apply to Brazil. A common phrase used to describe this difference is “Brazilians work to live, while Americans live to work.” This elucidates the distinctions between Brazilian and American mindsets relating toward their professional lives. Americans often view their jobs and careers as a toil that consumes their everyday life, while Brazilians consciously choose to strike a balance with clear limits.

This is further shown through a 2014 study in which researchers discovered that Americans now work 47 hours a week on average—one of the highest in the world. What’s interesting is, despite diligently committing to these long hours at work, 53% of Americans are still unhappy with their profession, meaning that a culture’s definition of success and individual fulfilment can be mutually exclusive. 

It should be acknowledged that often these long hours are necessary for individuals to meet their basic needs of food and shelter. This might explain the prioritization of financial affluence or security over happiness and fulfillment, which are often seen to have a sacrificial role in the pursuit of success.

This connects to a famous quote by Thomas Merton: “People may spend their whole lives climbing the ladder of success only to find, once they reach the top, that the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall.” Dedication to the pursuit of a society’s conventional definition of success often does not lead to the state of complete fulfillment.

This commitment to the corporate “rat race” as a means of success is not just an American cultural attribute. In Chinese culture, success is also closely tied to materialism. This can be seen when analyzing Chinese Chengyu, a type of traditional wisdom from ancient Chinese people that contains deep insights into human life. One famous idiom translates to “fail to sleep and forget to eat.” While this saying does emphasize hard work when applied to daily life, it can lead to individuals neglecting a proper work-life balance. An estimated four million people work overtime in China.

Additionally, for many Chinese youth, their ideas about success are limited to conventional definitions and driven by the need to make their parents proud. Many internalize their parents’ desire for financial security and equate success with gaining professional prestige. This emphasis on future success is exemplified through the Chinese maxim of  “wang zi cheng long ” (expecting the son to become dragon); the  dragon represents authority and dominance in Chinese culture.

In China, there is also a clear prioritization of medical based professions as these are seen to be more valuable and lucrative than careers in a creative or an entrepreneurial field. This is demonstrated by the Chinese government’s 2017 plan to turn 42 universities into “world class” science and technology institutions. The plan clearly speaks to the implicit bias and preference placed on these programs. 

However, even in societies that value a work-life balance, definitions of success can still be highly restrictive. For example, Indian culture is an amalgamation of numerous traditions, beliefs, and practices. Still, it is based on a strict social hierarchy and is highly family-centric.  It is very important for Indians to strike the right balance between their career and their home. This is illustrated by statistics that show that around 30% of Indians would rather achieve social success than professional success, compared to the global average of 22%. When asked about the work life balance, 57% picked it as a principal indicator of success. Money and property may define one’s success in the Indian society, but they are not the only things that make an Indian successful.

It is undeniable that culture molds our perspectives on how to achieve success. In the United States, there is a focus on materialistic gain, whereas Indian society centers on maintaining a presumably perfect nuclear family unit. Similarly, in China, these societal expectations largely stem from parental pressures. As a result, people who don’t derive fulfillment from these ideals can instead become stuck on a treadmill of life, steadily tracking along an upward career trajectory to achieve society’s view of success but often finding no fulfillment.

I believe that when searching for fulfillment, people should look to isolate themselves from societal expectations and definitions of success and instead focus on their individual wishes. As a grade 12 student currently entering the university application process, I am confronted with the challenge of establishing this dichotomous relationship between my own preferences and inclinations versus the influences of my surroundings, which often latently dictate my actions. I have had to distance myself from the rankings, my parents’ opinion, and the judgment of others in order to kickstart the true path to my fulfillment. As such, from my personal experience, I can definitively say that liberating ourselves from the confines of presumed ideals of success can elucidate our own sincere desires and passions. 

As famously stated by Deepak Chopra, “Just as light brightens darkness, discovering inner fulfillment can eliminate any disorder or discomfort. This is truly the key to creating balance and harmony in everything you do.” This demonstrates that true success and fulfillment can be found on one singular path and that the journey to the complete attainment of these three concepts is a truly gratifying process.

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Kolakowski, Mark. "What It Means to Live to Work." The Balance Careers. October 14, 2019. https://www.thebalancecareers.com/what-it-means-to-live-to-work-1286773. 

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Tejaswi, Mini Joseph. "Indian Women Define Success by Work and Personal Life Balance." Times of India. March 8, 2013. https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/business/india-business/Indian-women-define-success-by-work-and-personal-life-balance/articleshow/18855794.cms.

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"For Indians, Health and Happiness More Important than 'Rise in Paycheck.'" Economic Times. March 28, 2018. https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/for-indians-health-and-happiness-more-important-than-rise-in-paycheck/articleshow/63512284.cms.

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In a KidSpirit Feature article, teen writer Ameena Naqvi explores how various cultures define success and fulfillment.

The Elusive Definition of Success

On a sweltering June morning, I made my way through lush, voluminous trees, shanty towns, clustered bazaars, and trails of motorbikes en route to Akhuwat Organization’s office near my ancestral village in Lahore. 

Over the years, I had heard many positive things about Akhuwat from family members, teachers, and the media, but was uncertain about what to expect at the office. After a grueling academic year, I was desperate to sleep for days on end, yet the ambitious part of my brain was pestering me to find an experience that would go beyond textbook learning. 

As this time period also coincided with the holy month of Ramadan (fasting), thoughts about the purpose of life and a meaningful existence were swirling around in my mind as I headed into the Nawabpura Akhuwat office. My jaw dropped when I encountered a small windowless room with a threadbare carpet, some file cabinets, and four staff members sitting on the floor, organizing papers on a flat rectangular block of wood. For a moment, I was transfixed by my surroundings. I wondered whether I had somehow ended up at the wrong location. However, the cluster of people at the desk briefly greeted me and then went back to listening to an old lady giving an account of her chickens and the money she was making through selling eggs. My expectations of a typical NGO office evaporated as the Akhuwat team invited me to join them. At that very moment, the wiring in my brain got a jolt as the passion and attitude of the team left me in awe. Suddenly, I found myself engulfed by a wave of curiosity and eagerness to embark on a hands-on journey of understanding the spirit of Akhuwat (which means “brotherhood”).

Akhuwat is the world’s largest Islamic microfinance organization, which provides interest-free loans to the underprivileged. Microfinance is a concept that aims to give low-income segments of society access to loans so that individuals have capital for starting up or enhancing their livelihoods. Unlike conventional microfinance, loans under Islamic microfinance are 100% interest free, making repayment easier. Currently Akhuwat loans are benefiting approximately 3.3 million families all over Pakistan. The organization was founded on the essential Islamic concept of brotherhood, which promotes selflessness and generosity to strengthen societal bonds and encourage economic prosperity. Naturally, I was extremely impressed and awestruck by the profile of the organization. 

Soon I came to learn what it takes to be part of the team working behind the scenes at the grassroots level. Waves of humility pounded on me as I heard firsthand accounts about the resilience of widows, elderly people, and orphans suffering from a plethora of financial and emotional struggles, yet striving to not only make ends meet, but also explore ways to ensure sustainable living. Within a few hours I was deeply engrossed by the flow of conversation around me as new applicants were evaluated and updates were taken from those coming to repay loans. Soon all reservations about working on a tattered carpet without any air conditioning in 45◦C-plus temperatures evaporated. 

The staff at Akhuwat enthusiastically explained the day-to-day work, filing, and documentation process for loan applications, which are dispersed through the local mosque, as community members essentially act as guarantors for each other. Amazingly, the Nawabpura office’s rate of return has consistently been nearly 100%. Initially, the state of the office and enthusiasm of the team greatly puzzled me, but later I realized how these aspects contribute to building trust within the community. Sitting on the floor was an expression of humility and solidarity with the underprivileged. Also, the staff mentioned how funds received were better spent on building the career of someone needy rather than purchasing an air conditioner. By the end of my first day, I was exhausted, tired, hungry, and excessively thirsty due to my fast and the heat, but while having Iftar (a meal to break the fast at sunset), I realized how profound my experience had been. For the first time in my life, I got a tiny glimpse into the lives of the needy in my country and the tremendous responsibility people like me have towards their welfare.

The days at Akhuwat seemed to fly by as I was deeply engaged in the collaborative efforts of the Nawabpura team. Collecting, documenting, and counting hundreds of installments, preparing new loan applications, interviewing applicants, filing papers, and writing down daily progress reports for the branch manager were areas where I contributed. With the encouragement of the manager, I also conducted a mini impact assessment on the efficacy of the loans Akhuwat was disbursing in Nawabpura. This project enabled me to interview and get to know a wide range of local community members, ranging from small-scale tailors, daily wage laborers, salon owners, craftsmen, traders, general shop owners, to even juice and snack stand owners. 

One wizened old lady in particular was memorable, as she first lectured me about the need for modest clothing and then went on to talk about her son’s tragic death due to hepatitis and her husband’s mobility impairment. This had left her as the sole breadwinner for her young grandchildren. Despite this major setback in her life, Akhuwat loans enabled her to set up a small toy shop in the Nawabpura neighborhood of Lahore, which is successfully meeting her financial needs. The personal journey of these resilient individuals, assisted by Akhuwat loans, in setting up their own businesses and livelihoods was very inspiring, especially as the results of my impact assessment project showed that people who were previously touching the poverty line experienced a 90-120% rise in income after enrolling with Akhuwat. 

Every day at Akhuwat was an eye-opening experience for me where I empathized and learned more about men, women, and their personal journeys, the struggle and toil they had to bear, and the intense hours of hard work they put in for their families. My journey at Akhuwat also brought me a sense of fulfillment in my own life. From the very first day I walked into Akhuwat, my entire mindset was altered and I was motivated to step out of my comfort zone and pursue activities that can have a positive impact on large segments of our society.  This experience helped me realize that the only way to achieve a true feeling of fulfillment in life is to give back to society and assist others in need, as the satisfaction derived from witnessing someone benefit from your contribution is the best feeling and surpasses any personal milestone or achievement.

In a KidSpirit Awesome Moments article, teen writer Zayna Mian reflects on her internship at Akhuwat, an Islamic microfinance organization, and all it taught her about fulfillment and generosity.

The Turning Point

There are 800 kilometers between the cities of Beijing and Kaifeng, a lengthy gap mercifully shortened by the invention of rail. 

What was originally a laborious six and a half hours by car is now a slight three by train, and therefore it is a matter of practicality that the train is the preferred method of transit when I divorce the capital to make my yearly visit south. The cars and facilities are cool and clean, and the moquette seats, though not quite comfortable, are adequate and spacious enough. Besides, boredom is never a consideration when traveling by rail, or it at least has never been a concern to me. The large windows grant me the ability to spend hours entertained by nothing more than the passing of the countryside, the blurring of gingko trees with stone terraces, the sloping hills which slowly cascade down into many fisheries.

I must admit, however, that I also have a few sentimental and personal reasons to be so endeared to the railway. My grandfather, who is the reason I take this pilgrimage each year, was originally a soldier, and his division was tasked with the creation and maintenance of several railroads across the central part of China. Every couple of years, when the current construction was finished, he and his compatriots would gather up their belongings and move to another small place where the hands of modernity had not yet touched, and then they would lay the tracks for new development. I imagine it to have been a rather nomadic lifestyle, and certainly one full of hardship and labor. Food was hard to come by in China in those days, and whatever rations that they received were no doubt insufficient to sustain the grueling work of nailing spikes and blasting rock. The hours were long, with no ability to put down a permanent residence. There were many who starved and died, and certainly a similar number who could not endure the days of exertion and little pay and deserted. 

But when I question my grandfather about this now and ask him to recount the hours he spent travelling as a young man, he does not answer with the solemn sincerity that I expect, given the gravity of the events. Instead, he is carefree, even jovial. After explaining the famines of the Great Leap Forward in the 1950s, he laughs and takes a sip of tea. This behavior has perplexed me, and once I even thought it to be a consequence of senility, but now I believe he is just happy to be alive. More importantly, his wife, his children, and his grandchildren are alive. He is happy that we are safe and living in comfort, and that we are in no danger of starving tomorrow, and most likely never will be. In a world so bloated and ruptured with war and disease, where so many have died so young, what more could he wish for? To live, and most importantly, for his family to live, is enough. He is content in knowing that he has lived a full life, and that he has added a link, however small, to the long and circuitous chain of his family's history. I admire and respect this greatly: to live through such hardships and come out not only alive, but with an appreciation for life, is something I know must be rare and difficult to accomplish and sustain.

However, as many teenagers do, I believe myself above this. I do not want to merely live, but to live and be remembered. I have a number of great and noble goals, most of which, if not all, I perhaps will be unable to accomplish. I think of myself not in terms of family lineage, but rather as an individual, an artist, a monad.  I do not look up to those like my grandfather, the working man, the train attendant that rips my ticket stub, even though I also hate myself for it. I desire, I need, to be more. I cannot be like them, I think to myself. I dare not be like them. To live in normalcy, to live an ordinary life, to have my fulfillment defined by the small pleasures of raising a family, of watching those around me grow, seems nothing but a torture to me. I wish to accomplish something, anything, even if it means that I have to sever the ties I have to the values that birthed me. I see the family unit, the edicts of Confucianism, as more of a burden than anything else.

I would like to become a renowned scientist or author, someone who forever lives in the pages of a school child's textbook. Perhaps then I will be satisfied or fulfilled, though I do not think that will be the case. My personal insatiety seems boundless and tenebrous. There will never be “enough,” at least for right now. There is always another plain to cross, another valley to descend into, another new dawn to be mapped out and analyzed. In this way, my grandfather has me beat, even though I do not wish to look up to him. He is satisfied with mere survival: I would remain discontent with the entire world. Perhaps as I grow older, and become more attuned to the world, this will fade, but for now, I am unable to accept living a little life — I want to live bigger than I am. 

I have made some small successes towards this goal: I have pursued poetry and writing, even when advised against them, and I have sought out many friends that my parents may not necessarily approve of. Yet I cannot claim complete rejection of my grandfather’s sensibilities. In the same way that we cannot remove our biology or reflexes, which have been hardwired into our brains for millions of years, I cannot completely kill the ideals of the past. Somewhere in the murky waters of my subconscious, a part of my grandfather remains, hidden. I see this in the yearly visits I pay him, the joy I feel when I learn that he is in good health, and the way I promise to send him my first paycheck when I graduate from college. 

I suppose this is not necessarily a bad thing: there's something extraordinary in my grandfather's story, even though it is not the strain of extraordinary I would like to cultivate. To emerge from great tragedy not only merely unfazed, but joyful, is something I cannot fully comprehend, and perhaps never will. While others would have been consumed by contempt and vendetta, he chooses instead to live. In the face of everything that has befallen him, every plague, every indignity, he still wakes up early every day and takes a stroll in the park. It takes great will to do that, and that will always remain part of me, though I sometimes selfishly do not wish it. But that is something I cannot control. All I can do is move forward as best as I can, and to accept the remnants of the past that still remain.

In a KidSpirit Interfaith Connections article, teen writer Nathan Zhang examines his heritage, his family's values, and his quest for something more. 

What Fulfillment Means to Me

In 2007, two important things happened: I was born and my brother Akash, a third grader at the time, started an organization called Kids for a Better Future, or KBF for short. 

Every year, Akash and his friends would support a different important cause involving kids around the world. Akash started KBF with the intention of proving to adults that kids have a voice and opinions and can actually make things happen, and that adults should listen to us. Akash and his friends ran KBF for the following 10 years, supporting many causes, including girls’ education in Afghanistan, an end to homelessness in New York, the rehabilitation of former child soldiers in the Congo, and the crisis of teen suicide in the U.S. When Akash and his friends went to college, my friends and I were in third grade, and we took over and continued the noble mission. 

For the past four years, KBF has been a huge part of my life. I always look forward to our meetings, where I see my good friends and we discuss issues that are important to all of us and, what’s more, decide what we want to do about them. Coming together in KBF has helped us see and understand our privilege, because we all come from places where we don’t have to fear war right outside our door, where we have clean water in our sinks, always have food to eat when we’re hungry, and can go to school and get a good education. Whether we’re working on a project for the homeless or a movie screening for gun control, we always end with something we all agree on and make it happen. 

More than anything, the organizations we support have told us they need financial support, and so a lot of our effort goes into fundraising. Since Akash started KBF, we have raised a total of over $130,000 and have given 100% of it to the organizations we support. We’ve raised money in many ways — film screenings, birthday appeals, and end of year appeals — but the largest fundraiser is always the annual walkathon in Prospect Park, Brooklyn.    

We always make sure to connect with the communities we support through hands-on work. When we supported Coalition for the Homeless, a group in NYC working hard to end homelessness, we went to Penn Station and handed out peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to homeless people all around. When we supported the Arab American Family Support Center (AAFSC), an organization empowering immigrants (mostly Syrians) and strengthening their families, we were welcomed several times to their after-school program, where kids could come and work on their homework and have fun. They showed us an Arab dance called the Dabke and how to play a traditional drum called the tabla! It was fun and exciting, and we made friends with the kids there. One of my most inspiring moments in KBF was when we partnered with the kids of AAFSC and organized two kids’ rallies against Islamophobia and the Muslim ban. We marched from Brooklyn Borough Hall to the Promenade in Brooklyn Heights and sang “Imagine” by John Lennon. Passersby joined in our chants and even marched with us for a few blocks, and I’m sure that we made everyone feel hopeful about the future.

By far the best thing about KBF is the feeling of speaking up and showing the world that you aren’t just a dumb kid, but a person with ideas, opinions, and a voice. Every year at the Walkathon, we get cheers and people on bikes riding past, who say “good job” and give us high fives. It’s the best feeling, knowing our voices matter and aren’t just murmurs in an ocean of yells. I am proud that my organization enables me to prove to adults that kids can make a difference. When we supported the Malala Fund, I kept thinking about how Malala was shot for speaking her mind and even just going to school, whereas across the world, my friends and I are going to school and speaking up and we’re applauded for it. And what I take from it is how fortunate I am to have a voice, and how I have to use it for what I believe in.  

Time has made us busier and busier, and there’s a chance KBF won’t continue this school year. Seventh grade has begun, and we will soon regroup and make our tough decisions. But whether or not KBF continues, we have all gained so much confidence and empowerment from it, and all of our lives are better for having come together in this endeavor. 

Since I was born, KBF has been in my life, and it has made me who I am. I see pictures of me when I was a one-year-old baby in Bhopal, India, the site of the largest industrial disaster ever. My whole family had traveled to Bhopal to volunteer in a clinic that serves people affected by the disaster. My brothers Akash and Gotu had meetings with Bhopali kids about how KBF members back in Brooklyn could support their cause, and the baby-me was in those meetings, too! Looking at these pictures, I realize how much KBF has affected my entire life. Because of it, when I hear about a problem in the world, I don't think, “Well, that's a shame.” Instead, I think, “How can we fix it?”

In a KidSpirit Helping Hands article, teen writer Satya Shaw explains how leading the organization Kids for a Better Future has empowered him to reach his full potential.

We All Have a Voice

If you lived through the 1960s, you may find the movie Apollo 11 to be significant and touching. It may even feel nostalgic and bring you back to when you were a kid and watched the first men walk on the moon. 

However, if you are a teenager, then you might have a different reaction. You might not have much context and you might feel that the movie gets a bit tedious, repetitive, and maybe even boring at times.

This documentary is all about Apollo 11, America’s successful mission to land the first men on the moon. Apollo 11 fulfilled the aim announced by President John F. Kennedy in 1961, that the U.S. “should commit itself to achieving the goal, before the decade is out, of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to the Earth." When people think of America and our accomplishments, Apollo 11 is one of the things that really makes the U.S. stand out, as it fulfilled a national dream.  

In 1957, the U.S. was outdone by the Soviets when they sent Sputnik, the first man-made satellite, into space. Then in April, 1961, the Soviets sent the first man into space, Yuri Gagarin. The U.S. was devastated that we were “losing the space race.” One month later, President Kennedy announced his goal for America to send the first man to the moon, which was the Americans’ attempt to assert their dominance in the world and especially over the Soviet Union. Thus, when the U.S. finally accomplished Kennedy’s goal, it proved to the world that America not only won the space race, but that we were also the most powerful superpower of the world and had beaten the Soviet Union. This accomplishment was a source of national pride and meant so much to the American people. It captured the imagination of everyone and fulfilled a dream of people all over the world to advance civilization by reaching new heights.

The movie takes the viewer on the journey of the Apollo 11 mission: from when the astronauts were preparing for the mission to when they splashed down in the Pacific Ocean. The movie shows multiple scenes that include huge numbers of people working to operate this launch and landing. NASA employees worked for years leading up to the moon landing. The constant flow of details shown on the screen helps the viewer imagine the heavy labor that was needed for Apollo 11 to go right. Even then, we are only given just a hint of the work that was put into the mission. This movie includes footage that has never been seen before and makes this movie historically accurate. It helps the viewer imagine what it must have been like being there for the mission.

If you were one of the approximately 600 million people who were alive in 1969, and who saw the moon landing, you may feel sentimental and nostalgic about this incredible accomplishment. Never before had any country attempted to put a man on the moon. The movie shows how the whole world was glued to their TVs in great anticipation for the moment when history would be made. Thus, people who are older now and who witnessed the Apollo 11 moon landing will probably really enjoy reliving their experiences by watching the movie. The movie shows how not only Americans but people around the world were excited to see if this major milestone would be achieved. 

By contrast, teenagers might not like the movie as much. Since Apollo 11 occurred 50 years ago, today’s teenagers have no personal connection to this event. For them, it’s just history, and the film is narrated at a very slow pace, which isn’t what most teenagers find interesting these days. Teenagers have grown up expecting instant responses to their needs due to the internet, social media, and instant messaging. This all translates to speed. If teenagers don't find something interesting immediately, then they likely will move on quickly. To make the movie more engaging, the director could have focused on the relationships of the astronaut with one another and their families. For example, the astronauts must have had many hopes, as well as fears, which could have been explored more in this movie to create tension and interest. People used to joke around by saying, “that will be the day when they put a man on the moon.” At the time it seemed impossible. It would have been very interesting to have heard the astronauts, in their own words, talk about their excitement to be selected as the first men who would land on the moon. 

The filmmakers used archival audio clips instead of voiceover throughout the film.  The audio reports the specific details of the whole mission, such as the trajectory, outside temperature, and mission tasks. A scientist or engineer will most likely find those details very interesting, but probably not so much the average viewer. If filmmakers would have developed the characters more, then this movie might have appealed to a wider audience.

All in all, I would rate this movie a 3.5 out of 5. Even though I had no emotional connection to the film, I enjoyed seeing the progress and eventual success of the historic Apollo 11 mission. This movie shared never-before-seen footage which grabbed my attention. I believe adults who lived through that era would enjoy this movie the most, compared to a young audience that doesn’t understand the importance of the mission. 

Therefore, I would recommend that folks over 60 years old watch this historic movie and relive the excitement of those years, but I would not recommend Apollo 11 to teens.

In a KidSpirit Media review, teen writer Max Mesh gives his take on the documentary Apollo 11. 

A Review of Apollo 11

My boat was small in the lake.
The other side covered by fog,
I rowed on, not feeling my fingers holding the paddle.
Water splashed all over my clothes,
Chilling me down and despairing me,
As if over a burning fire.
Each stroke was sapping a huge amount of my strength.
The bank of the lake was approaching;
I used my paddle to turn,
But I didn’t get it right, my boat was about to hit the land.

Every day I practiced and practiced,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              
Every day tons of sweat dripped from my face.
Every day my hands were red from gripping the paddle.
Once in a while, the coach let us splash in the water,
Cooling us down from the blazing sun.

All this work was to lead up to the big race,
On the last day of camp to prove our strength and worth.
I ran and ran, the ground skipping beneath me.
I started to get left behind.
My hope dimmed; I was one of the last
To get to our kayaks.
But I was not giving up, not yet.
I hopped into my kayak in the blink of an eye.
I paddled furiously to get a lead.
My spirits lifted, I was gaining on the others.
I paddled more viciously, more water gushing into my boat.
I made a 180-degree turn and raced back.
I hopped out of my kayak,
Tears and sweat crossing the finish line.

In a KidSpirit poem, teen poet Dylan Zhang reflects on the strength, determination, effort, and pain needed to achieve his goal.

Lake of Sweat

A lonely infant, neglected and frail,
He took his first steps near the downtown rail.
His mother, pale and sick in health,
She smiled her last breath before she fell.
But the words on her lips had never felt so sweet,
For she said, “I hope my son fulfills his dreams.”

A saddened child in a house of four
Laughs with the aliens he lives to bore.
At dinner, he always glances at a picture in a locket,
Before he quickly slides it into his pocket.
The aliens clap at the child’s scholastic success,
But ignore the fulfillment he really wishes to access.

A strong young man, fresh out of passing the bar,
Plans his escape to somewhere far.
He finds a job in a familiar place,
Near the downtown rail where he was found as a waif.
His ambitions were restricted, but now they are free
To be lived and fulfilled in this poor misery.

Now an old man slowly walks about,
Not caring where he’s going ‘round.
The speeding car zooms past his life,
And leaves no room to mourn or cry.
He’s taken in the space between times, 
And in his death, he takes a while
To ask the same question for the umpteenth time. 
“Have I fulfilled my mother’s d—?”

In a KidSpirit poem, teen poet Keesha Joseph weaves a tale of dreams, despair, fulfillment, and redemption.

Stages of Liberation

At dusk, I fossilize
In the lava of shadow.
Struck by a bird from nowhere
The stillness chimes.

Darkness is a mirror 
Mirroring mirrors: I am the other.
I scatter into the wind 
Like a book without spine.

In a KidSpirit poem, teen poet Peiyao Yu contemplates the darkening days of winter.

Winter Meditations

What are these barriers that keep us from feeling fulfilled? How do we overcome them?

I woke up at 5:00 am and I was as sleepy as a koala. If somebody asked me the definition of nirvana, my answer would be: “a peaceful nap in the early morning hours.”

If I had woken up so early by chance, I would not have given it a thought and gone back to sleep. But today was special. I had an important job to do. I quickly got out of bed and went straight into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, took a quick shower, and rushed to pack my school bag. I prayed, had breakfast, and ran to the bus. The day was decisive. We had taken an economics test the week before, and the results were due today. This was no ordinary test; it was a national level exam, and the top scorers had a chance to win a scholarship for their future studies anywhere in the world. I dreamt of studying at Stanford University. Winning this scholarship would have made the path clear. As soon as we reached the school, I was the first to get off the bus. I hurried and checked the notice board. I had won, but only a national level scholarship. Nobody from our school had made it to the cream of international scholarships. 

Winning a national level scholarship wasn’t bad. I was among the top 2% who took the exam, but a feeling of dissatisfaction kept me from tasting the joy of success. I came home and told my parents. They were really happy for me. Even my grandma was really happy. I told her that I wasn’t really joyous with my performance. I dreamed of studying at Stanford, which I could have easily accomplished with this scholarship. She said: “you millennials don’t understand the meaning of fulfillment.” 

“Fulfillment” was a new word to me. I searched the internet to find out what it meant. From all that I read, the best answer is a sense of satisfaction and growth. I wondered if anybody in this 21st century attains fulfillment. The spur-of-the-moment answer was, why not? Bill Gates or Jeff Bezos or any billionaire has enough money to buy (or, in the case of Elon Musk, to create) whatever he or she wants to. Of course these people are fulfilled, I thought. 

But then, I came across an amazing case that shook me, the case of an Indian billionaire named V.G. Siddhartha, owner of Café Coffee Day. Café Coffee Day is the Starbucks of India. It exists in over 200 cities, with around 1,800 outlets across the country. In the month of July, he committed suicide. Why? While most of the reports say it was due to the pressure of the workspace, some claim that he wasn’t happy or fulfilled by what he had achieved. His business was under the pressure of debts and some other issues like the liquidity crunch, but they were recoverable. Had he survived, the company could have prospered again. The major reason behind his act could be lack of fulfillment. 

The question that struck my mind then was: what are these barriers that keep us from feeling fulfilled? How do we overcome them? So I read some books like The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, a bestseller by Robin Sharma, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, Who Moved My Cheese by Dr. Spencer Johnson, and Believe in Yourself by Joseph Murphy, which led me to other answers. All of these books lay a path to a more fulfilled life in their own ways. The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari is a story of a wealthy lawyer who moves out in search of fulfillment and then meets gurus in India. He then narrates all he learns to his friend. The Alchemist is a story where a shepherd, the protagonist, follows his subconscious mind. Who Moved My Cheese is a story of two rats who teach us to change ourselves with changing circumstances. Here I have listed a few of my take-aways:

The main reason we never feel fulfilled is because of the thoughts that wander into our head all day. In this world of the rat race, we constantly strive to get better. However, we never think of how this impacts us. Although I agree that competition leads to development, we miss out on the feeling of fulfillment. Constant competition ruins our thinking, and after some hard times, we start feeling abnormally depressed and anxious. How do we avoid this? Sharma says, "the mind is a magnificent garden. It should be cultivated with good thoughts. The quality of thoughts determine the quality of the life we live. Consider setbacks as opportunities for personal expansion and spiritual growth. Doing these things will help us feel fulfilled." But then I thought, how can we do that? Some of us are sensitive and may be offended by negligible happenings. Find the good in everything. Reaffirm to yourself that things are going to change. An oscillation pulls you back only to send you even farther forward. A rotten apple spoils the barrel, and so does a negative thought. Let's say you had an argument with your friend. You come back home and then keep on thinking about the possible comebacks you could have used against him or her. Quite common, isn't it? Most of us curse the friend in our thoughts. So try to forget whatever happened and move on. Shake hands the next day and head to a fresh start!

 2. Lack of ability to set an achievable goal

Millennials are full of enthusiasm and energy. They think of achieving every possible thing in life. However, one must understand that not everything can be achieved at the same time. Instead of striving for everything, focus on one goal. Sharma states, "Today, and this very moment, is a gift. Stay focused on your purpose. The universe will take care of everything else.” He also says "the purpose of life is a life of purpose. Discovering and then realizing your lifework brings lasting fulfillment." We as modern-day people have left our values behind. The memories of the old days lay in dust, and we run as rats do. We waste time socializing and feeling envious of what others get to taste but forget the fact that we have something that is precious, and that gift is time. Every second of the day is a dessert only if you relish the taste. Staying focused on what we want to have is the key to fulfillment. For example, let us consider you have decided to score a 90 in your yearly exam. Of course it may take time. For someone scoring 30, achieving the goal immediately is next to impossible. So what should be the best way? Set a goal for 40 in the next test and keep lifting the bar, making sure you practice enough to get a 90 at the yearly exam! Persistent efforts will take you to your goal.

Let me ask you a question: How many times will you be able to jump by lifting one leg (i.e., standing on one foot) in a minute? Some might say 40, others would say 60. Set a timer and jump as many times as possible. I am sure that you will be surprised by the result. Unleashing our potential to the fullest is an important step towards fulfillment. Try to make the most of every second. Give yourself to your dreams. We underestimate the mind within us. Gear yourself up and take on challenges. The challenges will inadvertently help you develop. Dr. Murphy says, “With the right mental attitude we can stimulate our conscious and subconscious minds, which will take you to your desired goals.” Success outside begins inside. Stimulating and catalyzing the belief within ourselves will guide us to fulfillment.

How many of us care for the homeless person we saw today asking for help? How many of us care to thank our teacher for the lessons she gave us today? How many of us say a thank you to our parents for the luxuries they have given us? I am sure most of us haven’t recently. Lack of gratitude becomes a major barrier to a fulfilled life. The universe is generous. It gives so much to us: from the land, the oxygen that we take in, to the food that we have and the water that we drink. Do we give the universe anything in return? The universe is already fulfilled. It has everything that it needs. As humans, we can at least show respect and gratitude to her. Be grateful to the almighty and your parents who brought you in this world. Our parents help us in every possible way to help us achieve whatever we wish! Expression of gratitude also leads to better mental and physical condition. Show your gratitude to all those who have helped you. Show your gratitude by remembering the moments that have made you happy. Live your moments of glory again, and I am sure your life will change.

5. Lack of persistence and respect for time

Very few people today persistently follow what they have decided. Most of us decide to exercise on New Year’s Day, but very few of us follow the resolution. We as students constantly procrastinate studying and waste our time on other non-productive activities. This is a sheer disrespect of time. We should understand that doing the right things at the right time is a pathway to fulfillment. No goal can be achieved without persistence. Time is the most precious commodity we own, and it is nonrenewable. Sharma says, “Those who use time wisely from an early age are rewarded with rich, productive and satisfying lives.” I believe being a prisoner of the present is better than being a king of the past.

A journey started with my scholarship. It came to an end when I found ways to overcome the barriers to a fulfilled life. I hope countering these five major barriers will lead to a fulfilled life. I have started implementing what I learned. I spend more time with my parents and family, I try to avoid negative thoughts by keeping myself busy in activities like sports, I have set goals to take my test score even higher by systematically increasing my efforts, and I try to improve my punctuality day by day. Not fulfillment but the path to it makes us what we always dreamt of. Enjoy the process, not the pinnacle!

Coelho, Paulo. The Alchemist. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1988.

Johnson, Spencer. Who Moved My Cheese?: An Amazing Way To Deal With Change In Your Work And In Your Life. Toronto: HarperCollins, 1998. 

Murphy, Joseph. Believe in Yourself. The Jean L. Murphy Revocable Trust, 1956.

Sharma, Robin. The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Spiritual Fable About Fulfilling Your Dreams and Reaching Your Destiny. HarperSanFrancisco: 1999. 

In a KidSpirit Feature article, teen writer Aditya Naik explains how we can overcome barriers to fulfillment in modern-day life. 

My Scholarship to a Fulfilled Life

I am paint.
But,
I still have shadows
That lurk behind me
Like a fly that won’t
Let.
Me.
Be.

I am real.
Like a puzzle.
But, time melts away unknown looks and
Empty room.

            I hear the deep
And the silky sound of song
           Spilling out of the box
           In the room
           With cheer.
That room will never be
Ever again.

I feel strong like the ocean
But,
Strong waves crash down.
Try to stay up.
Stay strong for as long as possible
But it swallows you whole
let
It
all
go.

I feel like liquid
Try to hold me back and I slip free.

The beach that I am wondering is rockbound and ragged
Lonely and dead.
I am at peace though I have shattered
Glue yourself with the help of others
But,
Some shards don’t

Ever.

Remember,
Sour fades.
Light shines through.
Don’t dwell.

Be free and loose like the wind.
Some things are gone,
But,
Never forgotten.

Stand in a field and feel
All of the real feelings that surround you.
I am real, and

In a KidSpirit poem, teen poet Lola Stoffels-Sack reflects on the emotions and sensations that give life meaning.

Sour Fades

A thousand solemn ninth-graders stood nervously outside the examination hall, refusing even to speak to their rivals. 

A thousand solemn ninth-graders stood nervously outside the examination hall, refusing even to speak to their rivals. I could feel my heart pounding, my breath was ragged, and I was sweaty from the nerves. 

It was Zhongkao day for Chinese students. Our results on the exam would determine what high school we would be admitted to. While excited for the exam as a path to higher education, we were, at the same time, almost overwhelmed with stress. Each mistake we made would lower our ranking by thousands of places, greatly affecting the course of our lives. I couldn't help but wonder if this academic competition was beneficial for our wellbeing and long-term development, whether competition in general is a source of happiness or stress for participants. In fact, the effect of competition on one's mental wellbeing—stressful or enjoyable—is primarily decided by cultural expectations and individual characteristics. 

There are two types of motivation: intrinsic and extrinsic. Depending on how people in a society view its significance, competition can be an enjoyable process in which every participant gets motivated and improves. This is when people are intrinsically motivated. Extrinsically motivated people, on the other hand, view competition as a dreary, aggressive fight between individuals who just want to beat one another as rivals for more social resources.

Studying the influence of cultural expectations on one's perception of competition, Márta Fülöp, psychology Ph.D. from the Hungarian Academy of Sciences, reports that the "fast transition going on in Hungary society [from post-communist state to market economy]" requires citizens to change their understanding of competition to more of a Social Darwinist point of view. According to Fülöp's research, most of the Hungarian respondents perceive competition as a cruel selection process in which every participant is supposed to out-compete the "rest of the world" in order to grab critically limited resources. Personally, I see eye to eye with Dr. Fülöp. Back in China, where the societal situation is quite like that of Hungary, competition permeates the education system. My friend at school once confided to me that it was mostly the peer pressure from other well-qualified competitors that forced him to study harder and harder, to gain admission to high school.

As Fischer argues in "Competition and Wellbeing", extrinsically motivated competitors tend to equate happiness with achieving greater "bargaining power," "higher [social, economic, or academic] status" than others inside a community. A burst of pleasure, for extrinsically-motivated individuals, arrives when they win the competition, "beating" their "rivals" successfully. However, this wild joy can be short-lived, and quickly replaced with new anxiety. This could stem from the fact that competition never stops: maintaining relative status could be stressful for those "winners" in the long-run. Even worse, extrinsically motivated competitors who lose the rivalry are much more likely to report negative emotions and states, like depression and sadness, which prevent one from performing well later on. Personally, watching my friends break down crying in the middle of school, unable to cope with the anxiety and sharing dark thoughts after a bad examination, I grow increasingly aware that extrinsic motivation in a hyper-competitive environment leads to Social-Darwinist points of view, a more stressful life, and little happiness. 

In sharp contrast, people living in a resource-rich environment that emphasizes cooperation and interdependence of individuals for the collective good tend to view competition as more of a motivation, a stimulus for self-improvement, instead of a win-or-lose situation. With less societal pressure on individuals to strive hard to be the best in one specific dimension—usually academic performance in our day and age—people tend to firmly believe that they have a wide range of talents and merits, most of which are incomparable with one another across individuals. Aware that everyone is born to be different, people focus more on their personal growth and development, instead of forcing all different shapes into the same-sized holes. Moreover, people consider development a process instead of a result. Exams or contests are viewed as a means to test one's current capacity, not a tool to statistically rank thousands of qualified competitors. Therefore, people generally grow much less stressed regarding competitions.

Indicated by Márta Fülöp's experiment, intrinsically motivated competitors generally feel happier when they have met a goal of progress set by themselves.  This could be explained by Aristotle's psycho-philosophy that happiness is the by-product of achieving life goals: "happiness derives from self-actualization, personal development, and growth on civic virtue." If individuals, after working hard, have made a significant improvement in their personal merits and skills, meeting the preset goals, they cannot help but feel accomplished and satisfied with themselves, which could be beneficial in terms of inspiring them to keep up the good work. 

However, when intrinsically-motivated individuals do not meet their goals, they react differently, with personal characteristics playing the deciding role. According to Dr. Márta Fülöp's control experiment, optimistic competitors "extend their focus" from "failing to meet the preset goals" to the substantial progress they have already achieved. After initial disappointment, optimistic people start to appreciate the competitive environment as a stimulus for them to make these solid improvements faster. In contrast, people with a pessimistic point of view keep themselves immersed in the frustration of not meeting their objectives, deducing that their previous hard work is mostly fruitless. In this case, competition, especially the failure to meet one's objectives, creates a considerable amount of negative feelings, including self-negation, fatalistic thoughts, and stress. 

There is no definite conclusion regarding the relationship between competition and emotional state. Competition may promote happiness among optimistic and intrinsically motivated people, but still create extra stress for pessimistic and intrinsically-motivated people. Meanwhile, extrinsically-motivated competitors rarely derive improvement to their overall wellbeing. One could refine competition policies, but there would always be a part of the population negatively affected by the changes. According to the public policy analysis journal Culture, Competition, and Happiness, policy analysts should ensure the fairness of rules—no one should gain an unfair advantage over others—and clarify the evaluation criteria to all candidates. With transparent evaluation, genuine competitors who win without cheating can have their feeling of sheer delight without others' skepticism. With mutual respect, "winners" would grow more "empathetic" towards people who lose the game; likewise, the latter would also acknowledge the others' better performance. In this way, a healthier dynamic could form among competitors than under an unfair evaluating process.

As the end-of-exam bell rang, the three-day-long torment was finally over. Having scored higher than expected, I smiled brightly when I  received an acceptance letter from my dream school. But some of my best friends who were better qualified than I did not perform well under the hyper-competitive environment, crushed under the invisible pressure. I sincerely wish that the admissions committee, as well as the general public, would review studying from a continuous perspective, spreading the “make-or-break” exam into daily progressive assessments. No single exam would be the deciding factor, but together they would accurately reflect our academic performances, which would encourage more students to study in an intrinsically-motivated way.

Craig, H. (2019). The philosophy of happiness. PositivePsychology. Retrieved on Sept. 22nd, 2019, from https://positivepsychology.com/philosophy-of-happiness/ 

Fave, A et al., (2011). The eudaimonic and hedonic components of happiness: qualitative and quantitative finding. Happiness Studies, 100, 185–207

Fischer, J. (2008). Competition and well-being: Does market competition make people unhappy. Economics and Finance. 

Fülöp, M. (2009). Happy and unhappy competitors: What makes the difference? Psihologijske teme/Psychological Topic, 18, 345-367. 

Jose, J. (2013). Culture, competition, and happiness. Universidad ORT Uruguay.

Stucke, M. (2013). Should Competition Policy Promote Happiness?. Fordham Law Review, 81, 2576-2654. 

Rubin, T. (2014). Competition and Happiness. Retrieved Sept. 21st, 2019, from https://genius.com/Theodore-isaac-rubin-competition-and-happiness-annotated

In a KidSpirit Feature article, teen writer Botao Ju explores the positives and negatives of competition.

Competition: A Pandora's Box for Both Stress and Happiness

On the ground I’m on now
Everyone walks
But I wish not to walk here
I want to walk on clouds
In the city of  Dreams
But it still seems
I’m on the ground
Where everyone walks
But I wish not to walk here

In a KidSpirit poem, teen poet Lyla Cheary shares her aspiration to walk in the city of dreams.

The Steps You Take

“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” - Zen proverb

I remember the first day of ballet very clearly, the nervousness bubbling up inside of me, but a sense of excitement, too. I remember wondering what it would feel like to dance so gracefully, as if on clouds. 

As soon as I stepped  into the class, though, all excitement dissolved.  The scene in front of me was not at all what I was hoping for: 4-year-olds, all of them shorter than me by at least a head. I felt ridiculous. 

We began the class with splits. I could barely get my legs a few inches down, while everyone around me was practicing their oversplits. 

“Wow, have you never done the splits before?” one of the girls asked me. I later learned her name was Hannah. She had the best flexibility in the class. 

“Um . . . no . . . no, I haven’t,” I admitted, a bit sheepishly.

“Really?” Mimi, who had introduced herself right away, wondered. 

I nodded in response, feeling more out of place than ever. How was I going to make it through one ballet class, let alone the entire session? 

“Well, don’t worry, we’ll help you!” Sophie comforted. 

I wasn’t sure how I felt about having to learn from those so much younger than me, but at least the class would go much more smoothly, right?

By the end of our warmup, my muscles ached and I was so sore — and we hadn’t even started learning ballet!

All through class, I struggled to keep up, even with the trio’s help, while everyone around me quite easily mastered the steps the teacher taught us.

As we began one choreography after another, I began to lose confidence in myself. 

I was used to being one of the best at whatever I did, so it was embarrassing for me to struggle so much. To be one of the worst in the class was a heavy blow. 

Even so, I tried to find the good in the situation. My younger peers were willing to help me out, and that was encouraging. The music we used was ethereal, light, and beautiful, and I felt at peace with myself when I practiced the movements. My teacher seemed quite nice, exemplifying the poise and confidence of a ballerina, which strengthened my own resolve to do ballet. And some of the photos of ballerinas around the studio were breathtaking, illustrating the kind of beauty I wished to feel while dancing. 

However, I ended up hating that first class, and hating ballet. 

But as time went by and I gradually got better, I started to like ballet a little bit more, although I still felt inferior to the others. 

About two months later,  I learned that one of my peers did ballet, as well. I was hoping to bond over a common experience, but she simply asked me what level I was. When she learned that I was a beginner, she scoffed. Her snarky reply added to the voice in my head that whispered I was inadequate. This just rubbed salt in the wound.

I was on the verge of quitting,  although something inside of me wouldn’t let me. The shame of being incompetent made me question the point in doing ballet anymore. After all, no matter what I did, I wouldn’t be the best, and anything worth doing meant being the best at it. 

That day, after my ballet class, I watched a class of older students. One of the dancers especially caught my eye. She leapt and pirouetted into the air. It seemed as if she were dancing on moonbeams. She wasn’t speaking, but I felt so much that I think we might have been talking in a language of emotion, of discoveries, of leaps over walls, of triumph over life’s trials and tribulations. There was a love for ballet and all that it represented in her movements. Sure, she wasn’t the most technically advanced in her class, or the fastest learner, but these traits seemed superficial. I was inspired by her, and how she did something for the love of it, not for the materialistic gains that might follow. She showed me what one looks like when they are trying to pursue the right kind of happiness and satisfaction, and I was motivated by the way she questioned what I thought of as the definition of success. 

Suddenly my mind came upon a quote from Agnes George de Mille, an American dancer and choreographer:  “Many other women kicked higher, balanced longer, or turned faster. These are poor substitutes for passion.” 

All my life, I ranked myself based on how good I was. But what I have learned is that true satisfaction in your achievements comes when you are proud of your own progress, comparing it to no one else’s. It is important to  accept that there will always be people better than you. You are living your own journey, and it’s important to believe in it. True fulfillment in life comes not from being better than others, but from being better than the person you were yesterday.  

The next day at ballet class, I let the music wash over me and transport me to magical places. And within me, a fire, deeper than what consumed me, burned. I understood why I felt so moved by the older student’s dancing — it showed me what pure joy looks like, how ballet is meant to be an expression of our growth from who we used to be and how far we have come — and I let this new perspective guide me. 

My life was no longer ruled by medals or trophies, but something much, much deeper. 

In a KidSpirit Awesome Moments article, teen writer Rajvi Shroff shares how learning ballet taught her the value of passion and personal growth over competition. 

To Each Their Own Journey

“In the heart, there is a sense of loneliness,
there is fear and anxiety,
there is regret,
there is a sense of longing,
all of which can only be removed by complete submission to the will of Allah.”
-Imam Ibn al-Qayyim

These are the words of a contemporary Islamic philosopher, reflecting on how fulfillment, inner peace, and happiness, are all approached by my faith, Islam — as rewards or post-requisites of submitting to the will of God (referred to as Allah in the Islamic faith). Almost every tenet of my faith revolves around the idea of submission to a higher power; the five daily prayers involve the bowing down of the believer in the direction of the Ka’bah (considered the home of God), and the Quran containing the words of God advises a lifestyle of modesty and prohibits certain acts, such as the consumption of intoxicants. To a person not of the Islamic faith, these practices may seem restricting, stifling, and, dare I say, even primitive. To a Muslim, these are the guidelines we follow and fall back on, not out of blind faith, but out of the belief that they make us better human beings. 

Building more on this teaching of Islam, I believe that surrendering to the will of Allah holds great significance in being at peace with oneself beyond just the symbolic importance of submission. The idea of turning to Allah when at your lowest to ask for guidance is one on which Islam places great emphasis. Through my own experiences, I have realized that in doing so, a believer is not just asking for direction, but admitting their own inability to escape from what is bothering them. This is the ultimate dissociation from pride and the point at which a believer may be at their most vulnerable, without the fear of judgment that may come from opening up to their friends or family. Just the act of being so openly vulnerable is what, I believe, has enabled believers such as myself to be more accepting of their human flaws. Consistently turning to Allah in times of need allows for this cycle to be re-enacted, and I have realized that each time, it allows me to become freer from the constraints of my mind. 

I can distinctly recall one time when I was horribly overworked due to school commitments and upcoming deadlines, and the tasks I had to complete seemed to be insurmountable. I remember how I just took a deep breath and turned to God, asking for His help in navigating the hardship I was facing and how instantly, just by asking for help, I was able to look at each task I had to do individually and not as a collective, insuperable pile of tasks. This was just one of many times when I felt helpless that turning to God has put my mind at ease. 

The fact that Islam is an all-encompassing guideline on how to lead life may be seen as dictatorial, but I believe that it is this very fact that allows its followers to achieve inner peace. A believer in doubt turns to the Quran for advice on almost every worldly hardship. This shapes their actions and their understanding of how to deal with situations in keeping with Islamic teachings. I can recall multiple times when I have been befuddled about how to navigate a tricky situation, be it the moral question of a certain act or even a simple a fight with a friend, and turning to the Quran has brought clarity to my mind. 

In a KidSpirit Interfaith Connections article, teen writer Fizza Raza shares how her faith, Islam, helps her find clarity, inner peace, and fulfillment. 

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